Although the main objective of this summer vacation was to actually do nothing, I’m still quite ashamed of myself for accomplishing just that. All those movies and books I’ve complained on not having gotten to read when I was so busy being a busy senior year student have been left ignored by yours truly. I spend everyday guzzling ice cold caffeine in all forms, watching TV shows which are all reruns and wasting my time on the internet. This blog is a disgrace.

I am trying to learn guitar again though, and this time I’m not too finicky on getting calloused fingertips. Who the hell will say to me someday “Oh my, you’re a great person but I just don’t like your freaky fingertips” anyway (though I’m the type of person who’s a bit vain about my hands and feet for the self-conscious reason that I might get comments like that).

Friends I keep in touch with know or have at least sensed my recent, present dark moment. It’s something I don’t talk about... for my world is forbidden as it is fragile. LOL. Hi Lip.

But the worst I can always go is to sink into a hopeless depression and probably go crazy. If there’s anything I do running on auto-pilot it is self-preservation. I take my iron pills everyday even (if I don’t forget to). I don’t, can’t do the hurt-myself-to-get-even bit. And I’m too much of a coward to just go end my misery myself when I’m in horrible emotional pain. I’m too afraid of the idea of missing out on a lot of things, and we all know there are a lot of things going on on this planet.

So I am okay, dear friends. Hardened, bitter, but okay. Choking on my own tears and snot every night, but alive. And I will learn more songs, I only know how to play five, and they’re not what you would call the most popular.